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Jokes in English

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gabineg:
How does an attorney sleep?    First, he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side.

I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. :D

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “My friend the wind - Demis Roussos”

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve.

What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.

A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils. :D

gabineg:
Charles, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charles, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes sir, I know, and I am working on it."

"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.”

“Yes sir, I understand your concern and I’ll try harder.”

Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, “It's odd though you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning so late and so often?"

The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled. He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin,
"They usually saluted and said:
"Good morning General, can I get your coffee, sir?"

Sursa: Linkedin

toma:
If Bill Gates and Elon Musk ever decided to team up and make a medicine for erectile dysfunction, they can name it ELONGATES.

gabineg:
This it's not for erectile dysfunction, but for solving the "size does not matter" problem. :-))

...:
This it's is not for erectile dysfunction, but for solving the "black size does matter" problem. :)

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